Drunk and Disorderly
by hpbebekthx
Summary: What does Helter Skelter, Rocky horror and shoes all have in common? This Fic! Yay fpr cheesy summaries. Basically one out of hand days leads to more out of hand things, with the perticular reason.


AN, this is almost definitely a one shot, unless someone finds some way to motivate me into writing more chapters. Knickers and stockings to my many nationality-ridden beta, Mystic Sorceress. Her fics are icky ;) J .

DISCLAIMER: I don't own

A. Harry Potter or anything else from the Harry Potter Universe.

B. The Rocky Horror Picture Show

C. Helter Skelter, Charles Manson, or the Beatles.

D. "Hoopla" belongs to me AND my friend, who get bored extremely easily.

On with the Fic!

Potions is the epitome of clichés. Evil teacher, house rivalry, the teacher's pet. Hermione will always know the answer; Malfoy will always get highest marks; and I will remain unmentioned. See, you even have a melodramatic narrator. Today's lesson, however, sparked something.

The beginning of the class started out not so normally. Hermione and I (an unheard of pair) were discussing muggle terms. It had started at breakfast when someone insisted that you were no longer a "virgin" if you've watched Rocky Horror with friends while doing audience prompts. Which, of course, is simply like you getting together to jack off with your friends, not like actually doing anything. When I pointed this out it made several people very angry and I became quiet. In the end we all agreed you were still a virgin if you hadn't been to a theatre. After that we let all things fly, purebloods asking everyone who could possibly know the answer about what things meant in wizard terms. Anyways, we were talking- in depth I might add- about why people call it an ATM machine. An automatic teller machine machine. Stupid.

So maybe it wasn't that weird, and it certainly wasn't out of the ordinary when we were deducted fifteen points; from everyone who so much as thought of a muggle term. Potions was mostly review that day so everything was relatively easy. Actually, it was until I got paired up with the Ferret. I tried to see the brighter side of the situation, but all I got was that at least I wasn't paired up with someone like Neville or Crabbe. This was not that comforting. Things were going surprisingly well, as a matter of fact we hadn't even had to talk to each other since we started. We worked without really even acknowledging the person that we were next to, and some how managed not to blow anything up.

Everything was pretty good until he started singing. Well, not really singing, kinda humming whilst throwing in a few words under his breath here and there. This was extremely annoying, since it was just quiet enough I couldn't understand it, but loud enough that it was starting to drill into my ear. His voce drilled its way right into my brain and I hadn't even noticed that Hermione was at my side until she not-so-politely coughed in my face. Draco was still singing. She eyed him warily while she asked me if I had any more crushed beetles, as she had just used all hers up. As I handed them over she looked up in surprise then all but screamed "Helter Skelter!".

I'm sure a look of understanding came over me then, because it was certainly how I felt. That was what annoying song he was singing: Helter Skelter. Over and over and over again. Anyways, he apparently heard her, because he looked up slowly as though he was the most important thing in the world.

"Beatles fan Granger?" He asked, completely nonchalant.

"Umm," was her brilliant answer. 

"Say she is. Question: Any reason you are singing that same song over and over again?" Ok, so I was over reacting, but hey, this was MALFOY. His answer was enough to invoke several loud proclamations from Hermione; who, as it turns out, can be quite vulgar, but for your sake I shall just get to the just of it. The conversation went like this:

"It speaks to me"

"Bloody fucking hell."

"…" (shocked silence of the class upon hearing Hermione the Prefect swearing. In class.)

"Well, carve me a nazi sign and kill me a pig!"

Mass chaos broke out after that, most of which included a) angry students and b) a seriously pissed potions master who must have deducted about a million points, should anyone have been watching. They weren't, as it happened. They were too busy watching Hermione having a mental break down, with Draco (and all other purebloods) trying to find out what the hell was going on, and everyone else trying to make everyone quiet by out talking them.

I believe this is about where Snape lost his pants. Literally, Dean decided that that would be the best distraction, and got Snape from behind. This created even more mass chaos. Somehow I saw all of us ending up in extreme therapy. Thankfully, before anyone lost any more clothing or minds, the bell went. I guess time flies when your faced with a pantless potions teacher and a possible homicidal maniac.

By the time we were filing into Transfiguration, most people had renamed Ferret "Draco Manson", and it proved to be rather catchy. This probably contributed to what would happen next. As a matter of fact, what happened next was probably mostly my fault. I also blame Ron. It _was _his idea in the first place, but it was my fault for carrying it out. What happened- I think -was this:

Since the day wasn't getting any better, Ron laughingly suggested, we should spike something. I'll admit he was the one that transfigured a desk into a large goblet of…something…but it was me that stole McGonagall's bottle of gin that she hides in that little nook under her desk, and it _was _me who poured it in. We were feeling very proud of ourselves until McGonagall came in late to find her whole class drunk, and started questioning people.

This proved to be our downfall. Miss Grangers earlier comments came out and were tagged as the reason for all of this. Several students insisted it must have been Manson (this probably confused her further as she didn't see up to date with the less recent muggle attempt at a revolution) trying to get us all drunk so we wouldn't mind when he killed us. Dean, who was rather red in the face, had swayed up to the front of the class and after draping himself over Mcgonagall's shoulders and asked (in what I assume was meant to be a whisper, but due to intoxication came out loud enough for everyone to hear), "McGonagall, Minnie, I was wondering…are you a virgin? Because if you are, I've heard that a group of people are heading into muggle London, you know, on Halloween. If you can bring the gloves, I can definitely supply the toast."

Lavender shrieked with laughter and fell off her desk with a loud thump. This caused more laughter, and soon McGonagall was going for back up. I grabbed a cup that used to be a mouse and downed several glasses of the stuff. The ground moved unsteadily beneath my feet, and somehow my fist made contact with several peoples faces. Those were accidents, I swear. Running into Malfoy was an accident too. It wasn't an accident when I kicked him in the shins, and it wasn't an accident (I think) when he hit me back.

I can't really remember what exactly caused me to hit him in the first place, and I don't really remember what happened after, only that somehow Harry managed not to get drunk and pulled us apart. I threw up, then everything went dark.

When I woke up, I wasn't to sure were I was. It seemed very pink, but in a kind of calming way. There was others around me, and they were all moaning as they came back into consciousness. I closed my eyes, and was lost in a world of retching and groans. Several hooded creatures came in and did some quick cleaning spells. Rather pointless, considering that their leave was followed by a quick succession of hurling.

The hooded things came and went, doing cleaning spells, handing out hangover potions and leaving fresh clothes among other things. Once they left paper, and that's what I'm now recording this on. I'm not sure why we're here, or what they plan on doing to us, but while they aren't hospitable, they aren't entirely cruel. It's like we're dishes, we are there, and when we get dirty we have to be dealt with. Other than that, you don't got out of your way for dishes.

When people slowly started disappearing, though, we became worried. No one knew when they left, just one minute you saw them, and if you turned for a second they were gone. I was having an off hand conversation with Dean, and just as he was about to answer, Harry threw a shoe at me. I ducked, and when I looked up, Dean was gone. If you're wondering why Harry was throwing a shoe at me in the first place, we had invented a game. You take someone's shoe, and throw, put, punt, or kick it. Apparently dishes don't need entertainment either.

A week later it was only Me, Harry, Pansy and Draco. School grudges had been put aside, and all Manson comments had been forgotten. The four of us became closer to each other in that time, waiting for one of us to disappear into thin air. The game of shoe (or Hoopla, Harry had cynically named it) became a way of life. We could go for hours, never sleeping, seeing with an morbid fascination who would first be over taken by fatigue, who would first drop it. One time I was so tired from the extensive game that I was half asleep and didn't see it coming until it was too late. I was hit square in the face, and nearly broke my nose. The next morning (we assume it was morning) I couldn't see out of one eye.

"Wow, some could really get hurt with these" Harry remarked as he prodded at my nose.

"Yeah…" Draco said, staring at the wall, "Or some_thing_…"

"You don't mean-?" Pansy asked timidly.

"I'm just saying, don't you want to get out?"

We all looked towards the door. We had discovered early on that you could get as close to the door as you liked, but if you so much as lightly touched it, you were sent flying across the room onto a large cushion that would promptly vanish once it was sure they weren't hurt at all.

"Yeah, but you don't think?…" I asked, not to sure I liked this idea of his.

"I think it's worth a shot." Harry said sombrely.

We spent days planning. Kind of funny, really, planning on how to throw a shoe. But soon we had a complex plan I knew would fail, but I was so sick of the colour pink and not seeing the sky that I would try anything. We're doing it tonight, as soon as they come in to give us our meals.

Pansy's gone. They've taken Pansy. This makes it all the more important that we follow through with our plans.

Tonight we get out.

FIN

AN, well, that was rather pointless. Now go tell me how pointless in a REVIEW. Yes, that was my less than subtle hint.


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